I used to have a crush on this guy. He was my first crush. We stayed close, we were in the same circle. He got close to me, came by the house often, in-fact he was like approved by my family. Though we were young and knew our limits and our parents trusted this guy to know his limits as well. I was in JHS 3 and I think he was in SHS then.
He was like a perfect gentleman to me and even though he did stuff that I knew were meant to hurt me , all I did was try to adjust myself to suit him.
Anyone that knows me know that I have chubby cheeks (which already I was teased with enough in primary school so I was already battling that insecurity. )
Again I have quite a “serious” personality, anyone that knows me knows that I am usually the funniest in my group, but untill I open my mouth to speak, I probably would always appear unapproachable or “unfriendly”
This guy made it worse for me…
- One time I was just sitting down, at a program, trying to get myself right before the program starts (this time I think I was in the senior high schools or after BECE ). He came to me and asked why don’t I like smiling?. Before I could issue a smile he said don’t bother, your smile is ugly. I know he meant it . Imagine you first crush , saying that to you.
That made it worse for me , and from then onwards, I always laughed with my over on my mouth. I never take pictures showing my teeth (till date hardly ). He traumatized me and I never got over it .
Still, I didn’t hold it against him, I felt (it’s my fault I didn’t have a good smile else he wouldn’t have said that to me ). I blamed myself.
Many years passed, one day I visited him. He was in school. I was in the uni too. He had a female friend around (who was his best friend’s girlfriend) for no reason he traumatized me again.
For no reason, He looked at this lady, and looked at me and compared us, He said let me see your faces and then he concluded that , she was more beautiful than me . The lady even felt embarrassed with that statement he made.
I smiled it off. While hurting deep down.
I felt , maybe (I can’t believe I just cried while typing this ). Maybe if my cheeks were not so big and my smile ugly I would have been pretty too and maybe he would have dated me . (Once again I blamed myself ).
Meanwhile, all this years, I have had complements. The young, old, family, friends, strangers who met me would probably leave a compliment expressing how beautiful I was . All this didn’t matter anymore because the boy I fell inlove with called me ugly . And that’s all that rang in my head.
Many years down, we never dated, but we were good friends, many times I wanted to bring this up and ask him why he ever thought that was right to say or do to me?, but I didn’t want to ruin what was left of us and he has no idea how I felt/feel. In fact I will share this on my page. I know, He will see it . If he remembers that is fine , if he doesn’t (I have forgiven him already), I never blamed him anyways .
All the times that we had programs that he tried to be playful with other girls so I could be hurt, All they saw was a friendly boy but I knew he was doing it to get to me also.
Not to Say that he’s a bad person, this is a very nice boy -man now. He is a good person and I don’t want to hold past mistakes or childhood traumas against the person he is now.
But if I ever shared this with anyone, would they believe me ?. Why would I even do that?, why would I want anyone else to start judging my smile and looks?. I kept it ….and grew up with insecurities.
Not anymore though. I am so confident and I love myself now. Some People see you loving yourself and they consider you proud or worldly….they have no idea what it took me to get here. I am intentional about people in my space now and I do not take a lot of things too deep. If anyone ever calls me ugly now , ain’t no way I will take that personal.
- I am beautiful and unique
- I was created by God who makes no mistakes
- There are people who love me just like this anyone else who doesn’t is not for me
- Who are you in my life to think you have such a strong Opinion about my looks ?.
- My looks has never hindered me from success if for anything it has opened more doors for me.
Need I say many years down the road, He wouldn’t stop talking about how beautiful I am. Till today. He’s one of the first to comment on my status and at even a point in time I felt he wanted to date me . The signs were clear (or maybe it was another of him trying to see if he’s still relevant moves ) but I didn’t even budge. I can never imagine waking up beside somone who ever thought me ugly (even it it’s for a joke.)
I remember last year, when I wanted to get my teeth fixed, and the bill was about a GH100,000 plus. I was so determined, because though I have outgrown the insecurity, I have not totally gotten over it . I somehow yearn for “perfect teeth now”.
My little brother who accompanied me to the dental clinic (he thought I was getting a normal dental check), reminded me that my priority at the time was to get a car and not spend so much on “new teeth”. According to him , I didn’t even need to get dentures because I was perfect (but that is my brother’s opinion , He’s supposed to love me no matter what itsnt it ).
I took his advice though, and saved some extra to buy a car.
(Which turned out to be a good advice because anytime I am sitting in and enjoying a drive, I do not remember that someone ever called my smile ugly -praise God). I have shifted the “dentures” thought for later.
I have climbed stages of rooms filled with people , I have stood in-front of hundreds of people and delivered speeches , I am also aware of the great opportunities I have shied away because I didn’t feel confident enough.
Will I get my teeth done in the future, maybe . Will I be hiding under a duvet untill then?, No, I will be out doing great things , showing off and loving myself all the way.
Some how too, that experience was one of the things that birthed my ministry. My ministry of loving other people just as they are. I am not perfect I can insult people and talk about them but to ever judge their looks will never be me . Unless you really really give me a cause to (say you constantly do it to others then I will try to give you a dose of your own medicine to taste).
I do not joke with complimenting other people. Be it your hair, clothes, makeup, shoes, speech, look…. I know how it feels to be told a kind word especially about your personality/looks.
Even when driving at times, I roll down to compliment people by the road.
I do not joke with complimenting kids especially. I tell children you are so beautiful and smart, I love your dress, aww your smile is so beautiful. Woow is that your handwriting?, it’s so beautiful….because I know that building self confidence starts from an early stage and if one looses it , it will affect their adult lives too and lead them to try to adjust their looks by either bleaching, wearing make-up 24/7, going for bbl, falling into wrong hands because of feeling belonged and not exploit their gifting s because they won’t want to be seen.
I am sure many men and women have stories to share, the important thing is the lessons we learn from this experiences so that we ourselves and the people around us will not be victims to such.
I am happy you shared, I am glad you are in a good place now sis.
All I see is a beautiful, determined, successful Sister and May you keep rising .
Thank God that we didn’t break along the way (there are people who never recover fully from some experiences).
We did , and we own your story. And it will only get better and better from here ❤️❤️❤️
